Psychotic Knowledge

With Paranoid Schizophrenia there are positive and negative symptoms, the positive symptoms add something to your experience, whilst the negative symptoms take something away. In 2011 I had a major psychotic episode, it probably lasted six months between the start and being hospitalized. It started quite simple, I was going into my third year of university studies and I had begun to think of doing a masters, so I started creating knowledge about some of the other students that may also have wanted to do a masters. I was adding to my experience with beliefs that had no justification, they were guess work that felt like truth. That's the thing about psychotic delusional beliefs they are just true, no questions asked, I guess now that the justification was telepathy, that I had got these beliefs straight from the other people's minds.

That was how the psychosis grew, telepathy, but even now I still experience moments of telepathy. I'm not psychotic at the moment but I still believe telepathy is a skill that can be improved with training, I do believe evolution will take us towards feeling the spiritual world of thought exchange. But back to the episode, I was totally absorbed in the idea of mortality and immortality, I belonged to the immortals although I had had a rebirth, but I was set to live forever, well maybe a few hundred years until my next rebirth. There were spirits, these people had not been physically born, they had just appeared, some of them had started young and grown old others would just be around for a few years whatever age they were. It was clear that one could only gain immortality through fighting for good, perhaps God, some spirits worked for the devil and tried to stop spirits becoming immortal.

I got very caught up in the idea of creation and destruction, one side wanted to destroy every part of existence the other wanted to perfect existence. My ideas of God and the Void come straight from this time of crisis, the power of the void is to create death and the power of God is to create birth. These two sides have no creator, they are infinite and eternal, they form the battle of heaven on earth, every human must search for greater meaning to themselves and their destiny, they must fight for better creations, but never destroy just because they think it is wrong, there is good in every creation. Anyway when I was in hospital I wrote a word map that covered thirty pieces of paper and from that I wrote a ten thousand word dissertation. The process has had great meaning for me, even if the actual writing was incomprehensible, I've written about psychosis twenty times and I always return to the battle of good and evil and the feeling of grandiosity.